Your Monthly Periodical

Written by: Sheeny

Those of you who read my constant twitter rants about brassieres  may be surprised to know I’ve been wearing the same sports bra for 3 years. Oh, the shame! For all the money and time I spend thinking about dailywear and sexytime underthings, I spend not even zero time thinking about sports bras. Well, that’s not entirely true. I go to Dick’s Sporting Goods, try one on, jump up and down, get mad, and leave.  I had few complaints about the two I got off the clearance rack at Eastern Mountain Sports. They did their job: fit very tight and allowed minimal boob movement during athletic activity. Recently though I started feeling like their time had come to retire. Turbo kick was getting a little too bouncy for my liking.

For those of you thinking bouncing boobs are hot you are WRONG. Bouncing during athletic activity leads to microtears in your skin and speeds up sagging. Is that what you want? If you have a large bust it’s also quite uncomfortable.
I had seen ‘The Last Resort Bra’ in the Title Nine catalog before but hesitated to buy it. It’s $64 and who knew if it would be any better than the $20 clearance ones I was sporting. This bra is designed for D cups and up. I am on the small end of that at 32D. Now, this is not a pretty bra. It’s built strictly for function. The Last Resort Bra has a sort of Victorian torture device corset look about it and was just as hard to put on the first time. As you can see in the picture it’s a front hook from top to bottom. After I wiggled myself into it and adjusted I still wasn’t sure. I was having a bit of trouble breathing. I did the jumping test and there appeared to be some movement in the mirror. No bra is going to win over physics so the next test was a Turbo Kick class.

As soon as I got into the gym, I noticed that not only did this bra have the look of a Victorian undergarment, it also had the waist cinching effect. As soon as we started jumping during the warmup, I was able to notice the difference. My kicking and punching and jumping was way more intense. I had not realized how uncomfortable I was during workouts until I had a proper bra on. Highly recommend this to all the busty ladies who work out. As you can see it also let’s you still have boobs while holding them in place. So many sports bras for intense activity smash you chest down and give you a really awkward shape. I look awkward enough at the gym. In summary,  yes it’s hideous, yes it’s hard to get on (gets easier) but you’re at the gym so you don’t turn into an old fatty with sagging tits and that’s what really matters.