Ask A Nerd – Questions Periodically Answered by an Angry Male
Written By: Male Correspondent #1
“Rate from hottest to least hot: Glory, Applejack, Violette, Rapunzel”
This makes me think I have offended my editors. I’m a dork, but I’m not a brony. With that being said, and being that they were kind enough to include pictures so I don’t have to feel like an asshole and google everything… I dunno. I still feel weird rating plastic ponies. Like… I could rate them as collectibles if I knew what the case ratio was and how popular they were with their particular age group. For some reason I find it easier to discuss people drinking semen than it is to rate 4 My Little Ponies. Is that weird? But since I’m under the gun, I’ll go with Applejack is my number 1. She has this shy demure look to her. And she has a big tattoo on her ass. Violette would be my number two, she’s exotic looking. Like she’d be the asian chick of the bunch, with her big yakuzaish tattoo on her ass. Glory is like your average white chick, except with a piercing on her face that detracts from the rest of her. Not into it. Number 3 for sure. And the least hot is Rapunzel. Something just says she has hygiene issues with all that hair. No thanks.
Applejack
Violette
Glory
Rapunzel
“What are your emotions regarding tankinis?”
I had to google that. I did not know that was such a thing. The Google image search reveals a staggering array of women wearing what I assume to be a tankini. It’s ok I guess. It’s not like super revealing sexy. It’s pretty conservative. I believe I prefer a traditional bikini, but I see the appeal. It looks comfortable, but if you have something to hide, you can hide it. I would think swimming in it would be pretty lame. It seems to be that it’s appropriate for a northern beach, more so than a southern/Caribbean beach.
“My boyfriend gave me a blackberry and a laptop so he can be in constant contact with me. He occasionally shows up where I am when I am out of state. This is normal, right? This is my first relationship so I’m a little confused.”
Well, for one, he gave you a blackberry. That pretty much means he hates you. I can’t imagine giving anyone I actually care about a blackberry. I bet he also gave you a Toshiba or a Lenovo laptop. If he’s such a cheap fuck to give you a shitty blackberry, we’re going to go with Lenovo. Lenovo laptops are the worst. He’s probably loaded it up with tracking software and can access your webcam from anywhere he wants. Basically you wound up with a cheap psycho. Since its your first relationship, this is pretty common and will be a good learning experience. Now if he gave you an iPhone and a MacBook Pro, that’s an entirely different story. Run. Run for the hills, and give him his cheap shit back.
“Pregnant bellies: love or hate.”
Tough question. I have no kids, and I hate kids, and I don’t want kids. I think a girl who is attractive, is probably still attractive with her pregnant belly. I have found that there’s quite a bit of preggo porn on the Internet. Turn off Google Safe search and type in “preggo porn”. Whoa, I know, right? That’s a lot of pregnant women getting oiled up and railed. Someone has to like this stuff. I don’t see the appeal, although the giant pregnant boobs are kinda cool. In the end, I know it means there’s a kid in there, and that’s enough of a boner killer for me. No sir, sickos of the internet can have their preggo porn, but I’m content with masturbating to women who aren’t pregnant. Also, google is useful for finding weird porn.
