I Hate What You Wore This Summer
Written By: Kat
Summer is my favorite season. I love the sunshine and flowers, I love the warmth, the humidity, and I usually love the fashion. This year, however, I am experiencing an internal dilemma: while I am enjoying this fabulous weather, my eyes are so ready for the muted tones and fitted styles of the fall (I can’t even believe I’m using that word in JULY!).
This summer has seen a lot of fashions I simply cannot endorse. Neons, clashing patterns, asymmetrical everything– we may look back on the summer of 2012 as a season of wardrobe catastrophe. I will now address here, in no particular order, my least favorite clothing items of the season.
Drop-waist dresses: I do not understand what part of a woman drop-waisted dresses were intended to flatter, as theses boxy shapes distract from a lady’s more feminine features. They are not the worst fashion crime out there, but they are sack-like and certainly unattractive; best if completely avoided.
Faux straw or wicker-soled shoes: Nobody thinks your ugly wedges or boat shoes were handmade by a Guatemalan street vendor, so cut it out. This look is tacky and very American tourist-y, which brings me to my next point…
Hawaiian print: NOOOO! If you catch yourself purchasing anything in hibiscus print, besides swimwear or beach towels, please stop and reconsider. This goes double for anything with a pineapple on it, triple for margarita glasses. This is your life, not a Jimmy Buffet concert.
Fedoras: Because I live in the rustbelt, which is approximately 3 seasons behind in all things fashion, the fedora craze is just beginning to affect us. Back in the latter half of the 19th century, fedoras used to be artistically produced statement pieces for middle and upper class women. Ladies, the lid you bought at Target might not make quite the same statement. Do your hair properly when you go out, and just skip the silly hat. Because it most definitely is silly, you hear me?
Oversized belly shirts: This trend revives every few years, to my dismay, and it makes me wonder if I should break my rollerblades and geometric-print spandex back out. I’m all about eye-candy, but looking at your navel ring in a crop-top doesn’t rock my world. I anticipate the day I stop seeing oversized distressed belly shirts on every clothing rack. Way over it.
Wedges: I know most women won’t agree with me here, but I don’t care. High heels make your legs look long and lithe — there’s a whole time-tested formula in place there. Wedges make you look like you’re cruising around on a pair of those Moon Shoes they made back in the 90s. I find them unflattering on pretty much everyone, and the fact that wedges are in right now has made finding a decent pair of summer heels damn near impossible.
I suppose I will just be doing my best to overlook all the rompers and high-waisted faded denim cutoffs until the autumn arrives with promise of riding boots, over-the-knee socks, and cable-knit sweaters. Hopefully next year, the fashion industry pulls it together with some more flattering summer styles that make me want to shop, not bludgeon myself with a strappy wicker wedge.