Please Don’t Cum on My Little Pony©
By: Sheeny
See this guy? Does he work for Hasbro? No. Is he a hipster artist? Maybe. Does he enjoy getting off to a cartoon program aimed at 4-9 year old girls? Yes. He is a Brony. He is going to defile those darling little toys with his gross penis. He’s so great and ironic and it’s so cute how he’s ruining those ponies’ lives. He probably has an awesome hipster girlfriend and they watch My Little Pony dvd’s while she jerks him off onto Applejack.
Yes, that’s right. Men got tired of just shooting their load all over vaginas, faces, asses, hair, bellies, tits, pie, socks, beer bottles, pillows, feet, shoes, other penis’, crackers, waste baskets, panties, stockings, teddy bears, and keyboards. They have to go ahead and make my favorite childhood toy into something dark and dirty. 5 year old me feels super violated. Grown up me does too.
Getting kinda bored with the jizz everywhere, gentlemen. If men actually like ladies, I don’t understand how vagina gets so boring so fast that they need to move on to tiny 2 inch plastic toys. I can understand where most fetishes come from and don’t really care what you want to do. If you want to put on a diaper and have your girlfriend yell at you for wetting yourself while she wears a nursing bra then fine. Go right ahead and have fun. If you want to blow a wad on Barbie’s tits, fine. She’s an adult. I’ll even give you Skipper and Midge.
Look at this poor defenseless My Little Pony. She wishes she lived with a nice little girl who would brush her hair, but no. She’s a prisoner of some ironic sex den.
Concerned about washing your semen off your little petrified friend after you’re done with her? Yahoo Answers can help with that.
I thank God that I am a toy hoarder and all of my My Little Ponies are safe and didn’t end up at a garage sale only to fall into the hands of some pony jizz freak.
Please, Mr. Brony, don’t spooge all over my childhood!
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[...] and bitchyeditor gave us Please Don’t Cum on My Little Pony this month. That alone marks her firmly nominated for this. That post alone sent me on so many [...]
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[...] The only thing I understand about analytics is that I get to see the creepy things people search for on the internet all day. We get a variety of alarming search terms at the Periodical but, to summarize, they are basically all brony related searches. Once someone was searching for nude photos of me, which was flattering. But, yeah. Mostly Bronies. EVERYONE WITH A COMPUTER IS A BRONY. [...]
I’m sorry… I laughed. This is so funny that I’ve got tears.
I’m going to hell, aren’t I?
We’ll see you there!
Mister, would you please help my Brony?
Ponies need love too, just not my little pony. I don’t get it.
Consider that a good thing!
I’m ever so slightly disturbed that this is a real thing.
Real men have sex with grown up stuff animals. My Little Pony is for pedos.
Uhm….ewwwww!!!
G3 ponies? I think you’re safer than you think. No one’s going to touch those things
Oh my…
Oh sweet mother of ponies. Poor creatures!
Loved that post
Thanks! We like to tackle the real issues. Someone has to advocate for those poor spooged-upon ponies!
If I saw that on a resume, that would be an instant hire. =)
Who the fuck did you get this info from lol!?
I think you’re twisted to think men on a whole is resorting to wacking off to dolls and shit.
HA! We don’t think *all* men are bronies. But, I mean… http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/07/03/bronycon_men_who_love_my_little_pony_.html
It’s hilarious and awfully charming how violated and set aside you feel about this.
Thanks for the write-up!
This is one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in my life. You realize less than 2% of bronies do this, right?
There’s enough jizz in my hair, I don’t need it on my childhood toys. xoxo Sheeny.
The horror. I’m pretty sure I had a lot of those ponies in the picture at one point.
You know, this is pretty funny, but also extremely sloppy (no pun intended). First, there’s a pretty significant divide among bronies on this very topic, and it seems the vast majority are equally appalled at what’s come to be known as “clopping”, which is not just about sex with ponies, but sex BETWEEN ponies, in fictional form (and apparently some girls do it, too). Second, the brony thing is not just ironic, it’s pretty genuine fandom, and it stems almost exclusively from the contemporary TV show, “My Little Pony Friendship is Magic” (watch it–it’s actually good!). They tend overall to greatly dislike all the earlier pony incarnations, including the ones those darling girls are playing with in your pic. In short: be as horrified as you like, just don’t lump all the bronies together or think that it’s all about sex and hipster irony—generally, it isn’t. Most bronies just like ponies the “normal” way, and your “old and busted” early generation ponies are perfectly safe from them, regardless. It’s those long term adult collectors—who are not bronies, and have been around for as long as MLP itself—that you need to watch out for.
How do I know all of this? I’ve been researching brony fandom (I’m an academic) ever since being exposed to MLP from my pony-mad four year old daughter.
Thank you for your well-thought-out reply! I assume there are levels of brony-dom like there are levels of furry-dom. Either way, our site now gets a disturbing number of hits from people google searching “how to clean jizz out of my little ponys hair” so…
Hahaha. Ew. I don’t have a problem with people doing this per se (there are weirder and grosser things), but please have some self-respect and initiative, people—if you can’t figure out how to clean things off using normal means (i.e. detergent), don’t jizz on it.
Congratulations: You win shitpost of the year! You only researched 4chan bronies and judged everyone.
:O the poor ponies! My god, my childhood is ruined because I saw a picture of some random dude’s semen on a colored piece of plastic moulded in the shape of a pony from a TV show! Oh no! Save the plastic from the 0.0001% of bronies that have this fetish! Blah blah blah, this post is so fucking stupid it’s unbelievable. Never have I read through such a rediculous blog post. Ranting about some dudes ejaculating on mlp toys. Wow, big fucking deal. (I can’t believe I actually took the time to comment on this totally irrelevant and old blog post. I must be bored as hell.)