Well, Isn’t That Pinteresting?
Written By: Kat
Today I logged into Pinterest for the first time in a few weeks. As I scrolled through, page after page loading, I was quickly reminded of how terrible and plebeian everything in my life is. My bedroom doesn’t look anything like an airy beachside bungalow, my wall-hangings have zero rustic character, and there is nary a stitch of stainless steel in my kitchen. Thanks, Internet, I’ll be in my shitty little shanty if you need me.
As far as I can tell, Pinterest is the reason your wife drinks heavily. It’s a place ladies go to be reminded they are not nearly adequate, due to the fact that they have not yet mastered “the perfect ganache,” or hand-sewn that elaborate princess costume for their daughters.
It’s a place where middle-class women fantasize about $4k Burberry trench coats, obsess over creative shelving, and lust after $100 a roll wallpapers. It is rife with photos of young New York City fashionistas, pinned and repinned by stay-at-home moms in the flyover states, peering through the Pinterest peephole at an alternate reality.
Suddenly, it dawned on me. Pinterest is the digital embodiment of everything I hate.
I am the kind of person who loves to throw things out. Not perfectly good, functioning items; but the defunct remnants of Made in China ANYTHING are trash to me. Not because I am wealthy and can afford to buy new things, but because I long ago accepted that IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING FIX THAT.
So I throw it out instead of leaving it sitting around, making me feel guilty. Goodbye $15 window fan from 6 years ago, I’m sure the replacement part to fix you is only $2, and it would be real easy to pull out your workings and get you right back in order. But IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING DO THAT. Goodbye, stinky old sectional sofa from my ex boyfriends mother. I bet a steam-cleaning and a trendy slip cover would make you good as new. BUT IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING DO THAT. We can discuss how simple re-purposing all our shoddily-crafted overseas items would be all day long, but guess what? I already know. IM NOT GOING TO.
And I am not going to be guilted into thinking there is something wrong with me by a big pile of broken shit, just sitting around, waiting for me to breathe new life into it. I am not crafty. I don’t look at a broken pampasan chair and think “oh that would make an excellent light fixture!” Because I know, by the time I get home from work, run errands, take care of my pets, and eat a meal, there’s no chance in hell I am spray painting, double-sided-taping, or glitter-gluing anything. It’s a good day if I actually mend that little hole in my sweater I’ve been meaning to fix for months.
My simple math tells me this is ok! In my rationale, my time and energy has it’s own value. If any project will take me longer than 2 hours, it needs to be something worth more than $30– and that doesn’t include supply costs, and inevitable crafting rage. So if it’s going to cost me $20 in paint, then take 2 hours of my time, plus cause me anxiety, the value of my broken item better go up at least $50. Which a broken lawn chair reupholstered by belts, or a mail-holder made from an old window shutter, is absolutely not worth to me.
Yes, it would be just splendid to live in a world where we never throw anything out and everyone is so goddamn Pinteresting they can’t even fit all their creative awesomeness in a mason jar. And maybe some ambitious, crafty women out there are eternally grateful for all the inspiration on their Pinterest boards– elegantly fishtail braiding their toddler’s hair while she consumes nutritious home-made baby food from a repurposed bowling ball. But for the rest of us rat-racing females, who cant even stand the word appliqué, Pinterest is Internet version of those shoes you’ve been meaning to have repaired, that wonderful torte recipe your mother-in-law gave you 4 years ago, and the blanket you began crocheting that still looks like a scarf.
If it makes you feel guilty, toss it. This includes stacks of unfinished projects and boards full of complicated recipes. Let it all go and see how much better you feel. While you oggle some affluent family’s bathtub, filling up boards with things that, in the big picture, don’t even matter, you are doing nothing for human progress. Life is too short to waste planning an imaginary future on the Internet. Don’t let Pinterest make you believe otherwise.