Your Monthly Periodical

Written By: Barb

For some unknown reason, some men and women think that it is acceptable to wear various patterns of fleece pajama pants in public. They wear PJs to walk their dog, to the grocery store, to the mall, and to deliver food to people who are dressed better while eating takeout late at night alone.

It isn’t that hard to put real clothes on. It doesn’t take any longer to put on a pair of jeans than it does a pair of fleece pajamas that are all ratty on the bottom because you walk through the muddy sidewalks in them. I really don’t want to see most people in jeans, either, but it’s a step up from pajamas. I am calling for mandatory dress-up all the time, and men need to wear suits and ties. Ladies should be wearing stockings, heels, and attractive undergarments. They should not ever be leaving the house in pajamas. If it’s hard to remember, maybe don’t even leave your bedroom in your pajamas, then you can’t accidentally forget and go to the movie theatre and out to dinner in sleepwear.

Science has not confirmed this, but one of the most obnoxious place to be a regular jeans-in-public-wearer is at a bagel shop. It is at a bagel shop where all of the disgusting slobs roll out of their beds, don’t brush their hair, pretty sure their teeth and breath are disgusting, come to gather and stand near you and think about cream cheese and bagel selections. If you are wearing anything other than pajama pants at a bagel shop, you are the minority; and this should never be the case.

The grocery store is definitely not an acceptable place to wear your pajamas. Who in their right mind is able to select which broccoli to purchase for their casserole this evening while two scum bags who didnt bother to put real clothes on lurk in your shadows? If you are wearing your pajamas out in public, I assume its because you just had sex for the fifteenth time in a row in a Little Caesar’s dumpster and have not yet showered this month. You also might be a hoarder and probably have few friends.

Yoga pants are pretty much pants now, so if you cannot figure out how to leave the house dressed properly, at least put on a pair of yoga pants. Nobody wants to see your holiday snoopy pants in the middle of July. Nobody.